My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
