I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
