Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
