he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
