Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
