i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
