he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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