Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize