I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
