did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well you can't waste a boner
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
