apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
