Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
