Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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