We won't sleep together?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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