And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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