i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
