I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
