well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
