they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
