Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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