We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize