I have demons in me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
