your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
