R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
