So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
