Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
