I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
