Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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