To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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