that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
