I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
