my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
