The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just threw up on my dentist
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
