Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize