Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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