and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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