and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
