He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
