After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
