just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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