i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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