good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
