she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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