So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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