but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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