so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
