how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
