In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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