bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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