What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
