i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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