I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
