I'm eating all of the evidence.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
