Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
