also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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