I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
