I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
