I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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