He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
