It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize