Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I touched a dick in church today
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
