Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
