I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
