I wish you could order shots online.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
