When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
