Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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