i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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