i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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