it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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