I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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