I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
