So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
