I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
