I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
