I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
