At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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