i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
