You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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