Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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