I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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