Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
