She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize