i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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