I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
