You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
