from now on my penis is your penis
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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