you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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