i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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