I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
