It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
