We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
