Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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