You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
