after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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