cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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