Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
