Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize